Fights happen in even the strongest relationships. What matters is not whether you argue but how you make up: some couples grow closer after a conflict, others keep shelving their grievances “for later”. This guide is about what to do once words have been said: how to cool down, how to start the conversation and how to stop the same fight from coming back next week.
Trying to make up in the heat of an argument is pointless: emotions stop you hearing each other. Say honestly: “I am too angry right now — let us come back to this in an hour.” A pause is an agreement; silence is a punishment. The difference is that during a pause both of you know the conversation will continue.
Use the time to work out what actually hurt you. A fight about an unwashed mug is often really about feeling unappreciated.
The first move is made not by whoever is at fault but by whoever values the relationship more than their pride. Start simply: “I did not like how we spoke to each other. Let us try again.” If the fault is yours, admit it straight away — see how to say sorry for how to do it sincerely.
View full-size photoA pause after a fight helps to cool down and understand your feelings.
Swap accusations for “I statements”:
Discuss one specific situation, not “everything that has built up”. And let your partner finish.
Making up without an agreement is only a ceasefire. At the end of the talk, settle on one or two practical steps: “I will let you know if I am running late”, “We do not discuss money after 10 pm.” Specific rules ease tension better than “I will try”.
In a couple, warmth matters as much as words. After the talk, hug, suggest doing something together — a walk, dinner, a film. If words are hard, start with a message: see apology messages for your partner and apology text messages. For friends and family, read about apologising to a friend and apologising to your mum.
If you keep arguing about the same thing, the problem runs deeper than the trigger. Try discussing it at a calm moment, not during a conflict. If you cannot resolve it yourselves, see a couples therapist — it is not a sign of a weak relationship but a way to save it.
View full-size photoA gesture of reconciliation: flowers and a note after a talk.
After the talk, mark the end with a symbolic gesture: cook breakfast, plan a phone-free evening or give flowers. A bouquet for your girlfriend or an arrangement in a box with a short note — “Thank you for talking it through” — reminds you both that you are on the same side. Read about flower meanings in how to apologise with flowers.
Usually from 20 minutes to a few hours. Agree on a specific time to resume the conversation so the pause does not become silence.
Whoever calms down first or feels at fault. Making the first move is a sign of maturity, not weakness.
Give them time but do not disappear: say briefly that you are ready to talk when they are, and show care through actions.
Author: Maria Svitlovir
Graduated from Taras Shevchenko National University of Kyiv, Institute of Biology and Medicine (2001). BSc in Biology, MSc in Horticulture. Writes about plants, works at a garden centre selecting and repotting plants, and contributes to plant reference guides.
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